I have sensitive ears.

I don’t entirely know what the fuck that means and if that actually true, but it feels the case because often times I’m overtly adverse to anything above a certain decibel of volume; especially when it comes to anything shrieking, alarming, and beeping.

it sucks because I live for keeping my windows open as much of the year as possible and I live in a bustling suburbia just outside of Washington DC.

so, having to close my windows and balcony door due to outside noises made by my own species when they can totally be controlled from their end really chaps my ass.

however, my breaking point was a couple of days ago

and the worst part?

the LOUD NOISES came directly from my own fucking apartment.

last year, the local fire department went door to door handing everyone in my building our own smoke detectors. these smoke detectors have their own battery that you can’t take out nor replace.

and, when it was first given to me, it went off by itself continuing to beep loudly until I pushed the button on it.

fast forward one year… two days ago.

it goes off again. at night. right when I went to bed. there was no fire. no smoke. no nothing. just it being loud as fuck disrupting me and everyone in my building and any nearby buildings in my hood.

I pushed the button. and thankfully, once more… it switched off successfully.

however, it was too late for me

I officially kirked out.

“you beeped your last beep in my house, mothafucka” I said under my breath while looking at it. realizing I looked and sounded like a lunatic but the only one to witness my outrage was my cat and I’m pretty sure she was cool with it because she seemed even more annoyed with the disruption.

the next morning I went to the gym… and took the smoke detector with me.

because as I laid in bed the night prior after the LOUD NOISES I literally thought of multiple ways as to how to rid of the damn thing from my life forever.

and for whatever reason, the best idea I could concoct was just tossing the damn thing out the window into the woods while driving on the highway towards the gym.

and I fucking did. “fuck you, you piece of shit”

I exclaimed as I threw it out the window as hard as I could.

now let me preface by saying, I am anti-litter. I abhor it.

but I lost my fucking mind




a little spice, a little ice, a latte sweet, and down for a good beat.

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Lalochezia Cachina

a little spice, a little ice, a latte sweet, and down for a good beat.